Attachment Therapy for Real-Life Relationships
You might find yourself pulling away when someone gets too close, or becoming anxious when they don’t respond the way you hoped – feeling less secure in the relationship. These patterns didn’t come out of nowhere. They often trace back to the way we first learned to connect, protect ourselves, and get our needs met. In therapy, understanding your attachment style isn’t about blaming your parents or overanalyzing your past – it’s about naming what’s happening now, so you can relate to others (and yourself) with more clarity and less confusion.
Whether you’re feeling distant in your marriage, constantly second-guessing your friendships, or just tired of keeping everything bottled up, attachment theory can help make sense of it. It gives us a map for how you’ve learned to survive emotionally – and what it might look like to live more freely. Below are the four primary attachment styles. Most people see parts of themselves in more than one, but one style usually feels most familiar.
As therapists, we see how deeply rooted these patterns are-and how possible it is to change them.
What Are Adult Attachment Styles?
There are four general types:
- Secure: You’re comfortable with closeness and also with giving people space – you trust that relationships can handle conflict, repair, and change. This style often comes from having had consistent, attuned care growing up (but it can also be developed later through healing relationships, including therapy).
- Anxious (also called Preoccupied): You crave closeness but often fear abandonment, leading to insecurity or neediness. When someone pulls back, it can trigger intense emotions and a cycle of overthinking, reaching out, and needing reassurance.
- Avoidant (also called Dismissive-Avoidant): You value independence and self-reliance, but intimacy can feel intrusive or overwhelming. Even when you want connection, you might shut down or withdraw because vulnerability feels unsafe or unfamiliar.
- Disorganized (also called Fearful-Avoidant): You long for connection but don’t fully trust it – often because relationships have felt unsafe, unpredictable, or chaotic in the past. This style can look like swinging between pulling people in and pushing them away.
Why Attachment Styles Matter in Therapy
Your attachment patterns show up in more places than you might expect:
- How you handle conflict
- How safe or seen you feel in relationships
- How you respond to vulnerability-your own and others’
Understanding your attachment style can help you:
- Break unhealthy relationship cycles
- Communicate more clearly
- Develop deeper trust with others
Can Attachment Styles Change?
Yes. Therapy offers a secure space where new relational experiences can help you form more secure patterns over time. It’s not about blaming parents or partners-it’s about understanding what shaped you and learning how to reshape your relationships now.
Ready to Explore Your Attachment Style?
If you’re curious about how attachment therapy could help your relationships thrive, we’re here to support you. Whether you’re seeking individual therapy or couples counseling, exploring your attachment history can lead to healthier, more connected relationships.