“Man up.”
It’s a phrase loaded with meaning-one that most men have heard since childhood. Behind it is a cultural script about how men are supposed to handle life: be strong, be silent, handle it alone while being there for others.
As a therapist who works with men, I’ve sat with many who have internalized this message so deeply that they no longer question it. They power through stress. They numb out when things get hard. They keep their emotions locked down- until the pressure leaks out as irritability, detachment, or burnout.
And yet-beneath that armor-I often find men who want more. More connection. More clarity. More wholeness. More peace with themselves.
So what does it really mean to “Man Up” in a healthy way?
To me, it starts with redefining strength.
It’s courageous to say, I don’t know how to fix this, but I want to try.
It’s brave to say, I’m struggling-and I’d like support.
It’s mature to ask, What’s going on beneath my anger, and what does it really need?
There’s nothing weak about wanting to understand yourself better. In fact, that’s the work that leads to real confidence-not just the surface kind that comes from control or stoicism, but the deep kind that grows from being honest and present with your own experience.
In therapy, I help men learn to pause and tune in. To notice what’s happening beneath the surface. To stop performing, and start connecting-with themselves and others.
So maybe “Man Up” doesn’t need to be thrown out entirely. Maybe we just need to redefine it.
Consider these men’s perspectives on the topic:
“You can’t be strong unless you can be vulnerable.”
– Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (2023 interview, The Pivot Podcast)
“Real strength is not in the armor you wear, but in the courage to take it off.”
– Justin Baldoni, actor & author of Man Enough
“Emotions don’t make us weak; ignoring them does.”
– Jay Shetty, author and podcaster
“If ‘man up’ means be tough, I’ve done that. If it means be real, I’m still learning.”
– Mike Foster, therapist and author of The Seven Primal Questions
Because manhood isn’t about pretending nothing bothers you. It’s about showing up-honestly, fully, and in a way that respects your own needs as much as anyone else’s.
That’s the kind of strength we need more of.