We all carry deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. Some are helpful, giving us confidence or safety. Others—often formed early in life—can quietly shape how we think, feel, and act in ways that keep us stuck. In therapy, these are called schemas or core beliefs.
Schemas are like mental shortcuts. They help us organize experiences, but when they’re rooted in painful early memories, they can distort how we see ourselves. For example, someone who learned that love felt inconsistent might carry the belief, “I can’t rely on anyone.” Another might internalize, “I’m not good enough.”
These beliefs run quietly in the background. They influence how we interpret situations, the relationships we pursue, and the way we treat ourselves when things go wrong. Left unchecked, schemas can fuel perfectionism, harsh self-criticism, or withdrawing from others.
The good news: these beliefs are not fixed. With awareness and practice, you can begin to recognize when a schema is steering the wheel and choose a different response. Therapy—especially schema therapy and CBT—helps you identify, challenge, and reshape these patterns so they no longer hold the same grip.
Step One: Recognizing Your Schemas
The first step is awareness. Schemas often show up in moments of strong emotion. Ask yourself: What story was I telling myself in that moment?
- After a mistake at work: “I’m a failure.”
- When someone doesn’t text back: “People don’t really care about me.”
- After critical feedback: “Nothing I do is ever enough.”
These automatic thoughts point to schemas. They’re usually global, rigid, and absolute: “I’m unlovable.” “I’ll always be rejected.”
In therapy, we connect the dots between your early experiences and the beliefs you carry today. Simply naming schemas can already bring relief..
Step Two: Challenging the Story
Once a schema is recognized, the next step is questioning it. This doesn’t mean denying your feelings, but slowing down to notice the story your mind is telling and asking if it fully matches reality.
CBT offers tools for this. One is to ask: What’s the evidence for and against this belief? If the thought is, “I’m a failure,” you might list times you’ve handled challenges well. If the thought is, “People will always leave me,” you might recall relationships that have lasted.
Another practice is testing the belief in real life. If your schema says, “I must never show weakness or people will think less of me,” you might try sharing a small vulnerability with a trusted friend and notice how they respond.
Therapy provides a safe space to practice this kind of work—naming schemas, unpacking emotions underneath, and replacing rigid beliefs with ones that are more fair and compassionate.
Step Three: Building a New Way of Relating to Yourself
Schema work isn’t just about dismantling old beliefs—it’s about building new ones. This is where emotional awareness comes in.
Schemas are often tied to unmet emotional needs from earlier in life: the need to feel safe, valued, or accepted. When those needs weren’t met consistently, the schema formed as a way to make sense of it.
Therapy helps you connect with those deeper needs and practice giving yourself the care that might have been missing. Over time, this strengthens a different inner voice—kinder, more flexible, and better aligned with who you are today.
Why Therapy Helps
While you can do some schema work on your own, therapy offers unique benefits:
- Clarity. A therapist helps identify patterns and name the schemas behind them.
- Perspective. Negative beliefs feel absolute; therapy provides balance.
- Practice. Therapy gives space to try out new ways of thinking and relating.
- Support. Schema work can stir strong emotions, and having support makes it safer and more sustainable.
Schema therapy and CBT aren’t about silencing emotions or forcing positivity. They’re about creating more choices. Instead of being pushed around by old beliefs, you learn to pause, reflect, and respond in ways that align with your identity and values.
Moving Forward
Negative core beliefs don’t vanish overnight. But identifying them, challenging them, and practicing new ways of relating to yourself and others is healing. You may notice moments of self-compassion where once there was only criticism. You may find yourself more open in relationships, more grounded in stress, and less driven by fear of not being enough.
This is the heart of schema work: loosening the grip of old stories and making space for a new one—one that honors your experiences without keeping you stuck in them.