Anger gets a bad reputation. It’s loud, explosive, sometimes destructive. But underneath the surface, anger is often a cover-a shield protecting more vulnerable emotions men rarely feel safe to name.
As a therapist, I meet a lot of men who don’t come in saying “I feel sad” or “I feel hurt.” They say: “I’m angry all the time. I’m snapping at my kids. I’m losing it at work.” And almost always, when we slow down, that anger points to something deeper-exhaustion, fear, disappointment, shame, or grief. Thoughts of “I’m not good enough” often accompany these emotions.
The hard part? Many of these men also feel alone.
Not just physically-though social disconnection is a real issue-but emotionally. They’ve been taught to tough it out, stay strong, not burden others. So when life gets overwhelming, anger becomes the only “acceptable” emotion to show. It feels active. It gives a sense of control. And, (often purposely) keep people at a distance.
But here’s the tradeoff: When anger is the only emotion that’s safe to express, the rest of the emotional life stays bottled up-which leads to isolation.
Anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal. It’s the alarm going off. The problem is when anger becomes the only language you speak.
At Resouling Therapy, I help men become fluent in more than just anger. We slow down together. We name what’s underneath. We explore what might be there below the surface. We ask: What are you actually needing? What are you protecting? You don’t have to figure that out alone.
Real strength is not stuffing it down. Real strength is sitting with discomfort long enough to understand it-and learning how to speak your truth without burning everything down around you.
If anger is showing up often in your life, don’t ignore it. It may be telling you something important.
Let’s strengthen your tolerance for the discomfort so we can listen beyond the anger.