When looking for a therapist in NYC there are several things that can be helpful to remember.
1) Every Great Therapist Isn’t A Great Therapist For Everyone
There’s a lot of therapists (I’m including counselors, social workers, and psychologists in this category) out there- especially is vast urban places like New York City. But they are not all a great fit for you.
If you find yourself ready to start therapy and are shopping around- go ahead and listen to your friends’ recommendations. Rave reviews from people we trust are a great starting point! Listen to their experience and how it works for them.
Also remember- your personality, your presenting concerns, your goals and desired results will probably be different from your friends and may be better accomplished with a different therapist.
2) You Don’t Have To Be Stuck With Your Therapist.
Once you start counseling, give it some time to figure out if it’s a good fit. Only in a few exemptions will you know it’s not a good fit in the first couple of sessions.
In the beginning of therapy, it will be more “interview-y” and more difficult to know if the two of you will click. Consider a 30 day “Return Policy” mindset with your counselor. If you’re not clicking with them by then, it’s an investment you don’t need to keep.
3) Give Your Therapist A Chance To Self-Correct Thinking of Ghosting Them.
Before switching therapist, talk to your therapist on what isn’t working for you.
Here’s a couple of questions to consider addressing as you have the conversation with them:
- What do you want more of in your session?
- What do you want less of in your sessions?
- What do you wish would be different in your times together?
Caring therapists want to hear from their clients and welcome requests to alter how sessions are conducted. They will work with you.
They will also let you know that if what you’re asking for isn’t something they are able to deliver– whether it’s not their style, or they don’t have the appropriate training or experience.
No one, including therapists, like to be ghosted. Give them a chance to hear your concerns before you both mutually agree to part ways.
4) Great Therapists Are In The Profession Because They Genuinely Want To Help Others- Including You.
We are sincere when expressing our feelings towards you. Therapists are not paid actors. Unfortunately, it can be difficult for many clients when starting counseling to believe someone they talk to for an hour a week really cares and believes in them. But it’s true!
I personally have been amazed by my clients’ courage and tenacity to keep moving forward. Many of clients have become my role models and I hope to become like them. Believe your therapist when they say they care about you.
5) Quit The Therapist. Don’t Quit Therapy.
If it proves not be a good fit, move on. But don’t move on from therapy! Move on from that therapist. Remember the fact: “It’s not Me, it’s Us” that’s not working.
Don’t let the negative experience convince you therapy isn’t for you, or therapy can’t help you, or you’re too far gone for any hope. That is never the case for anyone.
The point here can be especially poignant for men to apply and take in. It takes a lot of courage to go against societal norms and reach out to ask for help. If you’re a man ready to start the therapeutic journey, I applaud you!
Unfortunately, men can take a bad therapeutic experience to shame themselves for seeking help and trying something different. Then men continue to remain quiet, never to reach out to a professional again, struggling in silence and missing out from what they want in life.
But… Those are lies!
A great therapist does exist for you! We don’t always find them the first try- many times we will. Your mental health is worth the time (and sometimes a lot of effort) to find that good fit.
Let me bring my point home more bluntly- There’s not one great therapist out there that is a great fit for everyone. Even in the vast sea of therapists, counselors, social workers, and psychologists in New York City, or anywhere else. You may have to sit with a few before you find that great fit. I hope you’re willing to sit on as many different couches as it takes to find that therapist for you. You are worth it.
Here’s a bonus point for free to remember:
6) The Great Therapist you’ll work with may not be a great therapist for every season of your life.
But that conversation will be reserved for another time.