Regret Is Like Cauliflower: The Emotion We Avoid but Need
If there were a list of emotions people most want to avoid, regret would be near the top. It feels heavy, pointless, or even shameful—like admitting failure or weakness. But regret, much like cauliflower, has been unfairly judged....
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When You Didn’t Do Your Best (and Why That Still Counts)
Imagine you finish the round of golf, the run, the practice, and nothing went particularly well. You weren’t terrible, but you weren’t sharp either. The shots didn’t land. Your pace felt off. You left thinking, I should be better than this by now...
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You Don't Have to Perform for Your Family This Holiday Season
For many people, the holidays aren't just about food, travel, or catching up. They're about stepping back into roles we learned long ago-roles we didn't necessarily choose. Maybe you're the one who's supposed to be "doing great," the one who keeps the peace, the one who never says no, or the one who stays quiet so things don't get tense....
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When Gratitude Feels Forced: A Therapist's Take on Toxic Positivity
Gratitude is good for us-most of the time. But especially around the holidays, gratitude can become something else: pressured, polished, and performative. Many people feel the expectation to "be thankful," even when their body and emotions say something entirely different. As a therapist, I often see how forced gratitude drifts into toxic positivity-the belief that we should feel good no matter what. But...
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When Women and Men Do Their Work: Empathy and Courage Can Be Seen
Many men say they want to be more emotionally open- and when they try, it doesn't always go well. They risk a moment of honesty, only to see their vulnerability land with discomfort, confusion, or even withdrawal from the person they most hoped would understand. That moment-when one person reaches out and the other flinches-is often not about a lack...
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Therapy Isn't Just for Crisis: How It Supports Personal Growth
Many people first reach out for therapy when something feels unbearable—a relationship breaks down, work becomes unmanageable, or anxiety makes it hard to focus. In those moments, therapy can be a lifeline. But what many men don't realize is that therapy doesn't have to stop when the crisis does. In fact, some of the most meaningful work begins once the...
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Grounded Strength: How to Listen to What Your Body's Telling You
Most of us grow up hearing that strength means staying in control. Keep it together. Don't let them see you sweat. Push through. And yet, when life hits hard - when you feel anxious, disconnected, or weighed down - your body often knows it before your mind can catch up. The tightness in your chest, the clenched jaw, the restless...
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Why Your Emotions Feel Stuck: The 90-Second Rule and the Weight of Self-Judgment
You've probably noticed this before: something hits you hard - anger, sadness, fear - and it lingers for hours. Sometimes all day. Other times, it sneaks back in days later when you thought you were past it. Emotions can feel relentless, unpredictable, and stronger than you'd like them to be. But here's the truth: emotions themselves are actually short-lived. Neuroscientist...
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Why You Might Be Numb Instead of Angry (and What That Really Means)
You might not think of yourself as angry. You just shut down. You go quiet, go inside, try to keep the peace-or stay out of the mess altogether. From the outside, it probably looks like you're calm and composed. But inside, it might feel like the lights have dimmed. You're not mad, exactly… you just don't feel much of anything. If that...
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Is Self-Criticism Helping You—or Hurting You?
Many men and women believe that being hard on themselves is what drives them to succeed. You may even hear that “tough love” is the only way to grow. But what if your inner critic is doing more harm than good? As a therapist who works often with men facing negative self-talk, I see how self-criticism can become a constant...
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Recognizing Your Core Values-and Living by Them
Life can have us feel scattered, reactive, or stuck on autopilot. In those moments, it's easy to lose sight of what truly matters. One of the most powerful ways therapy can help is by reconnecting you to your core values-the deep beliefs that give your life meaning and direction. As Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, writes: "Values are the compass that keeps...
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How to Identify and Challenge Negative Core Beliefs (Schemas)
We all carry deep-seated beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. Some are helpful, giving us confidence or safety. Others—often formed early in life—can quietly shape how we think, feel, and act in ways that keep us stuck. In therapy, these are called schemas or core beliefs. Schemas are like mental shortcuts. They help us organize experiences, but when they're rooted in painful...
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High-Functioning Anxiety: What It Looks Like and How Therapy Helps
High-functioning anxiety can be hard to spot from the outside. People who live with it often look like they're thriving. They are the ones who get things done, keep everything organized, and often appear calm and competent in their lives. But beneath the surface, there's often a very different story unfolding. For many professionals-especially men who feel pressure to perform...
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Is Exploring Your Past Just Blaming Your Parents? A Therapist's Take
For many people-especially high-achieving professionals-the idea of looking back at childhood brings up mixed feelings. You might worry it's about pointing fingers, blaming your parents, or dredging up old stories that no longer matter. Maybe you've even told yourself, What's the point? I can't change the past. But here's the thing: therapy that explores your past isn't about blame-it's about understanding....
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What Is Emotional Intelligence-And Why It Matters in Therapy
When most people think about intelligence, they picture IQ scores, logic, or problem-solving. But emotional intelligence-the ability to name, understand, and express your emotions effectively-can be just as important. Especially when it comes to your relationships, mental health, and personal growth. And if you're in therapy (or considering it), emotional intelligence is often the skill that turns insight into real change....
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A Therapist Reflects on What It Means to ‘Man Up' in a Healthy Way
"Man up." It's a phrase loaded with meaning-one that most men have heard since childhood. Behind it is a cultural script about how men are supposed to handle life: be strong, be silent, handle it alone while being there for others. As a therapist who works with men, I've sat with many who have internalized this message so deeply that they no...
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When Kindness Costs Too Much: Boundaries, Assertiveness, and the Caring Man
Some men are raised to be kind, supportive, and emotionally attuned. They're the ones who notice when others are uncomfortable, who pick up on tension in the room, who try to fix what feels broken in their relationships. At first glance, this might seem ideal-what partner wouldn't want someone emotionally aware and caring? But under the surface, these good traits...
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From “Nice Guy” to Honest Partner: Why Avoiding Conflict Isn't the Same as Caring
You're the kind of guy who doesn't want to cause problems. You've probably been told you're thoughtful, a good listener, maybe even "the calm one" in the relationship. You try to keep things peaceful and avoid being a burden. You don't ask for much. But lately, something feels off. You feel disconnected. You're not sure how to bring it up...
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Why So Many Men Feel Angry-And Still Alone
Anger gets a bad reputation. It's loud, explosive, sometimes destructive. But underneath the surface, anger is often a cover-a shield protecting more vulnerable emotions men rarely feel safe to name. As a therapist, I meet a lot of men who don't come in saying "I feel sad" or "I feel hurt." They say: "I'm angry all the time. I'm snapping...
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What to do When Therapy Feels Stagnant
You've started therapy, and even though your therapist told you that change happens slowly, you're wondering when you're actually going to feel better. Maybe things were improving for a time, and your sessions felt cathartic, and you developed new insights. Perhaps your progress led to a place where your issues feel stable, but now your sessions are boring, and you...
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Dry January and your Mental Health
Dry January is a popular tradition among some drinkers, and its health benefits are numerous and unsurprising. Few drinkers are unaware that alcohol is “bad for you”. It's widely publicized that the substance interferes with sleep, causes weight gain, has carcinogenic properties, and carries a risk of dependency for some who partake. Enter Dry January: a self-imposed challenge to not...
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Resolutions and Personal Growth
Self-efficacy is a concept in psychology defined as the belief that one is able to make the changes necessary to be successful in producing certain desired results. It's a representation of confidence in one's ability to move toward one's goals and create positive change. It also reflects a positive relationship with self, and knowledge that you are someone that you...
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Healing from Trauma with EMDR Therapy: What to Expect and How It Helps
Why EMDR Isn't Just for Trauma Survivors You might not think of yourself as someone with "trauma." Maybe you've never been to war, survived a major accident, or experienced violence. But you can still carry emotional injuries that shape how you respond to life - how you react in relationships, how you handle pressure, how quickly you shut down when...
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Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships: A Therapist's Guide to Healing and Connection
Attachment Therapy for Real-Life Relationships You might find yourself pulling away when someone gets too close, or becoming anxious when they don't respond the way you hoped - feeling less secure in the relationship. These patterns didn't come out of nowhere. They often trace back to the way we first learned to connect, protect ourselves, and get our needs met....
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Empowering Men: Strategies for Building and Sustaining Self Confidence
Self-confidence is the cornerstone of personal growth and success, yet many men struggle to cultivate and maintain it. If you're finding it hard to feel self-assured, keep reading to discover our top strategies to help build and sustain self-confidence. Set Achievable Goals You'll want to start by setting small, achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Celebrate each...
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Cultivating Confidence: Practical Tips for Men's Self-Esteem Improvement
Confidence is a mindset that empowers us to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace. For men, cultivating confidence can often feel like a daunting task in a society that places immense pressure on traditional notions of masculinity. However, with the right mindset and strategies, improving self-esteem becomes an achievable goal. Here are some practical tips to help men cultivate...
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Part II: Inner Coach
Part 2: Strategies for Effective Self-Coaching Continuing the journey of self-coaching, let's delve into practical strategies. Set Realistic Goals: Just like a sports team sets achievable goals for each game, establish realistic objectives for yourself. Break them down into smaller tasks and celebrate incremental victories. Learn from Setbacks: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Jalen Hurts once remarked, "Adversity introduces a man to himself." View...
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Growth Mindset & Success: How Men Can Thrive Personally & Professionally
In the journey toward personal and professional success, mindset plays a pivotal role. A growth mindset, characterized by the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and effort, empowers men to thrive in all aspects of their lives. Keep reading to find out how you can harness the proper mindset to facilitate progress and prosperity. Cultivating Resilience...
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Inner Coach
Part 1: The Inner Coach - Nurturing Your Mental Health As a licensed mental health counselor, I frequently witness the transformative power for my clients of "self-coaching" for one's mental health. In the world of sports, coaches play a pivotal role in shaping athletes' performances and mental stamina. Similarly, you have the capacity to be your own inspiring coach, guiding yourself...
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The Impact of Self-Esteem on Men's Mental Health & Relationships
At Resouling Therapy, we recognize the profound impact that a healthy or diminished sense of self-worth can have on various aspects of men's lives, and we're here to help you better understand the impact that self-esteem can have on yours. Navigating Mental Health Challenges Low self-esteem often contributes to mental health struggles such as anxiety and depression. Men may internalize...
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Quieting Your Inner Critic: A Guide for A Path to Mental Wellness
As a mental health therapist dedicated to supporting individuals in their journey towards mental well-being, I often find that professional men face unique challenges- one of which is the relentlessness of their inner critic. Men can be reluctant to quiet their inner critic as they see it as a force for their success. This internal voice though, often fueled by...
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Find Guidance Through Counseling & Prayer
When individuals are struggling, they often seek solace and guidance in several different forms. For many, prayer serves as a source of comfort, as it provides a connection to something far greater than what we can imagine. Whether you turn to prayer as a religious practice or a personal moment of reflection, it can be a sanctuary for finding strength...
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Taking Care of Your Mental Health During the Holidays
In a recent survey, the American Psychological Association found that 38% of people experienced increased stress during the holidays. Survey takers cited financial worry, busyness, and extended family time as contributors to this stress. Too much stress can lead to anxiety, depression, substance misuse, and even physical illness. Read on to discover how you can manage any increased stress to avoid strain on...
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How Do I Start Being Resilient?
We’ve all heard phrases like “when the going gets tough, the tough get going”. It can be easy for men to look at that and think they have to be “tough” to get through a challenging time. “Tough” isn’t exactly clear in the context of this idiom, and it’s a word that means different things to different people. Some people...
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Four Areas to Incorporate Self-Care into Your Routine
Self-care is one of the most important contributors of our physical, mental, and emotional health. When we take time to nurture ourself physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually, our whole self benefits. Read on for some light-weight ways to incorporate self-care. Physical Sleep, nutrition, and exercise hold great benefits for our mental health. Some studies have found that exercise is the...
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How To Silence Your Inner Critic
Whether we are anxious, depressed, a perfectionist, or fortunately not, we all have an inner critic residing within us. For some, our inner critic talks all the time and so loud that other thoughts can’t be heard or considered. Here’s three strategies on how to silence your inner critic. 1) Remove the word “should” your inner critic tells you A...
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5 Tips To Remember When Getting Started With Therapy
When looking for a therapist in NYC there are several things that can be helpful to remember. 1) Every Great Therapist Isn’t A Great Therapist For Everyone There’s a lot of therapists (I’m including counselors, social workers, and psychologists in this category) out there- especially is vast urban places like New York City. But they are not all a great...
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