Life can have us feel scattered, reactive, or stuck on autopilot. In those moments, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. One of the most powerful ways therapy can help is by reconnecting you to your core values-the deep beliefs that give your life meaning and direction.
As Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, writes: “Values are the compass that keeps you moving in the direction you want to go, even when life throws you off course.”
In values-based therapy, values serve that very role. They orient your choices when stress, anxiety, or doubt threaten to take the lead. Instead of only chasing what feels urgent or easy in the moment, values invite you to step back and ask: What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?
Why Values Matter
Our minds naturally seek comfort and avoid pain. That can leave us focused on quick fixes or short-term relief. But those choices often don’t align with the bigger life we want to be living.
That’s why I often remind clients: “values help us stay connected to our long-term gains so we can push through the short-term pain.”
Those pains might look like the discomfort of opening up in a vulnerable conversation, the uncertainty of trying something new, or the hard effort of keeping at a habit when motivation dips. When you’re anchored in your values, those moments aren’t wasted struggle-they’re meaningful investments in your long-term purpose.
Recognizing Your Core Values
Goals and values aren’t the same. Goals can be completed; values are lived.
- A goal might be: save for a down payment.
- A value might be: building stability and providing care for loved ones.
To uncover your values, consider questions like:
- When have I felt most alive and true to myself?
- What qualities in others inspire me?
- If people described me at my best, what words would I want them to use?
Therapy can provide support for this reflection, helping you distinguish values that are genuinely yours from those inherited through family, culture, or outside pressure.
Susan David puts it well: “Values are not about what you want to feel; they are about how you want to be.”
Living by Your Values
Knowing your values is only the first step. Living by them means making daily choices that align with what matters most. In therapy, this might look like:
- Recognizing when self-criticism or fear pulls you off course.
- Choosing actions-big or small-that reflect your priorities.
- Practicing habits that keep your everyday life closer to your long-term purpose.
When your actions and values align, you experience greater clarity, integrity, and confidence. Life still brings challenges, but they feel more navigable when tied to what matters most.
Moving Forward
If you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, or disconnection, reconnecting with your values can be a turning point. Finding purpose and aligning values with actions isn’t about perfection-it’s about living more authentically and with greater freedom.
Therapy provides the space to pause, reflect, and reorient. By clarifying your values and building practices around them, you’ll find it easier to handle the short-term costs of growth while staying committed to your long-term vision.